Today, when all is said and done, I will have been at school for over thirteen hours. Only eight hours will be paid; the rest is out of the goodness of my not so good heart. The kicker is that that is over four times the amount of time that I will get to spend with my son today, if you count that time at all because technically I'll be working (for free) so he's not going to be the center of my attention. This is not the first time that I have done this during this school year nor will it be the last.
Sometimes I think about how truly unfair this is to Drew. I probably wouldn't be the best stay at home mom but the plan was that I would work for a few years and then find a way to stay at home. My mom did it for me when I was younger; Mark's mom (otherwise known as SuperParent) always did it. Well, the plan didn't work out the way we expected and so here I am, still clicking away and overachieving at that.
I think this might be why Drew is a little clingy to us. We don't spend nearly the amount of time with him that we should. It really isn't about the stuff either. At this moment in time, it's all about keeping our head above water. Perhaps if I had gone into medical transcribing or something else, I could be at home with him and still bringing in some money. Right now as it stands, I can't think of a way to make my measely income at home. I'm thinking though.
So tonight, the three of us will have a quick dinner around my kidney shaped table. I'll get ten minutes to catch up on the day and then it will be work time once more. Then we'll drive the twenty or so minutes home, Drew will have a shower, we'll read a book and I'll apologize over and over again for today.
But there will never be a way that I can make this up.
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