I am a firm believer that love happens when one isn't looking. At least that's how it's always happened to me. One moment you're getting milk at the grocery store and the next, your hand is touching that of a gorgeous guy who will leave an indellible mark on your heart--for good or for bad. It's when your guard is down and the fight is over that the one (for now) is standing in front of your high school locker, is sitting next to you on a couch filled with strangers, or moseys up on your porch only to sit there for a good four hours, discovering that this person could, perhaps if the situation were right--be the love of your lifetime.
Many of these situations have happened to me, and though I wish that one of themwould have given me a true love story none of them has of yet. I do, however, have a special love in my life and it is one that happened when I wasn't expecting it. It's something so deep that I know I will never love another person so deeply or so strongly in my life. Though it's not a romantic love, it's one that will sustain me for the rest of my life it's all that I have.
I was thirty years old when I had all but given up on having children. My first attempts an epic failure resulting in nothing. No baby or the loss of a baby. It broke my heart to not have that one thing. So, in order to not feel the pain, I changed my focus, thinking less about children and more about my career. I began teaching and worked on getting a master's degree. Pretty soon, my twenties--and the time when I thought that I'd be blessed with a house filled with little feet-- marched past me. The thought that I would never be a mom crossed my mind.
And then the miracle of all miracles happened--just a month after finishing my graduate degree, I was pregnant. It was the miracle that I didn't expect, the chance I thought would never come. Every step of those nine months were a struggle. Having children does not come easily to me. Getting through those months were another miracle. I can think of at least three situation that could have resulted in the loss of my son, but none of them were and that is the sheer will of God.
The moment that Drew was handed to me, I was filled with a feeling that I had never felt before. My heart was filled to the top and every day, he fills it up a little bit more. It was the love that I was never expecting and it's the one that has enriched my life the most. Funny how that happens.
My baby is about to be eight years old. I've watched him mature into a little man (eight going on twenty five sometimes) and every day, I learn a new lesson from him. Being a mom has not always been the easiest thing for me. I fail at it every day. Yet, Drew sustains me. He sends me smiles and encouragement that keeps me on the right path. Without him, I would be half of the woman that I am.
I'm never going to have any more children but I am very satisfied with the life that I have with Drew. I am amazed by his hopes and dreams. Some, such as becoming a Disney Imagineer who graduated with a mechanical engineering degree from Georgia Tech, are far reaching. Some, like becoming a WWE wrestler, are silly and, I hope, will one day pass. Still, I embrace all that is Drew because all of him is all of me.
i may never find a romantic love that fully works out as I hope, but I have a sweet boy who makes my life worthwhile. I can still hope for the first, but I will always count on the latter.
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